His Idea
by Synbou
Summary: No, the worse part was that this attempt-to-make-Chakotay-look-at-him-in-a-better-light mission had been *his* idea. Beta-ed and complete
1. Chapter 1: Attacked

**Disclaimer: I don't owe Star Trek: Voyager. Synbou borrowed the characters for fun and doesn't make any money at of this story. **

**A/N: **_**I wrote the first chapter in 2005, and then my Master thesis (and another fandom) got in the way. I came back to it last year, and RL scared my muse away again. For the last week, I've been visiting in New-Brunswick. Meeting up with Louise B, gave Synbou some inspiration. So, thanks Lou for helping me with this story! – Isabelle S.**_

**His Idea**

Synbou

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**Chapter 1/9: Attacked **

The sharp pain took him by surprise. The velocity of the projectile that suddenly hit him sent him flying to the forest floor. He let go of the tricorder and the hypospray of anti-psychotic drugs that he had been carrying for the last few hours.

In its heightened state, his mind quickly blocked the piercing and burning pain radiating from his midsection as his survival instincts fully kicked in. Lying prone, Tom looked up to see Chakotay rise from the bushes ahead. He was holding what appeared to be a makeshift bow.

Tom quickly reached for his phaser. "Stop!" he ordered in a strong but strained voice.

He tried to lift himself up but the pain, caused by the arrow protruding from his abdomen, pinned him down. He gasped. He could hear his racing heartbeat. He was scared. He forced himself to remain calm as he saw Chakotay move towards him.

"Commander, stop or I'll shoot!" he warned, hoping that addressing his superior officer by title would light up some neurons in his drugged clouded mind.

If Tom had been afraid of the former Maquis captain earlier that day, when the older man had first attacked him, he was now terrified.

Ignoring Tom's frantic warning, Chakotay kept on coming towards the Lieutenant.

With an overwhelming sense of dread, Tom fired.

The shot hit the Commander dead on, however the phaser's low setting was not strong enough to bring the man down. Chakotay swayed, but remained standing. Overcoming the shock, he looked down at the pilot.

"Don't come any closer," Tom said shakily.

"Paris?" Chakotay mumbled, confused.

Tom barely registered the sound of his name as he focused on the Commander and his weapon. As Chakotay took another step, Tom did not hesitate and fire again.

This time, the commander fell to the ground unconscious.

Tom dropped his weapon and let his head fall backward. His body was in shock. He was trembling with pain, fear, and anger. Tears, that no one would ever see, came down from red-rimmed blue eyes.

As Tom laid there assessing his situation. He wondered what was worse: the fact that they were both stranded on an uninhabited planet once again; that he was now seriously injured (again…); or the fact that he had just shot his superior officer… twice!

No, the worse part was that this attempt-to-make-Chakotay-look-at-him-in-a-better-light mission had been _his_ idea.

Tom groaned at himself in frustration.

How could Janeway have agreed with him when he proposed this mission? She had to know this would only give the two men an opportunity to kill each other. Tom sighed, embracing the pain. Like him, Janeway had high hopes for reconciliations.

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**End of part 1**

**October 2005**


	2. Chapter 2: Awareness

A/N: Disclaimer, see chapter 1

**Chapter 2/9: Awareness. **

A volcano had awakened in his abdomen. Larva was bursting out of his midsection, burning muscles and flesh. Fire. He was on fire! Panic engulfed him. He tried to move – to roll onto his stomach – but to no avail. He was pinned down by the pain. He was immobilized by weakness. He whimpered his agony. To him, it sounded more like a cry of desperation. As darkness claimed him, he wondered if the torrent of his freefalling tears had been strong enough to extinguish the raging flames.

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His eyes were opened. His awareness came as an afterthought. Feeling drained and painfully heavy, he did not risk doing anything other than stare ahead. Truth be told, he was unsure if he could do anything else. So he kept on staring ahead. He was vaguely conscious of his eyelids closing repeatedly in natural and uncontrolled responses. A soft breeze was cooling his itchy eyes, making his lashes dance like the tall grass on the Savannah plane. Eventually, tears from his straining eyes rolled down each of his temples. He was lying down, he realised. The dark wall in front of him was actually an alien night sky.

He kept on staring, blinking form time to time, unable – unwilling – to do anything else.

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"Tom, can you hear me?"

Yeah, he could hear her. He could see her, too. Though, her form was blurry.

"Blink if you can hear me."

Could he blink voluntarily? He concentrated on this simple task: dropping his eyelids; keeping them in place for a few moments; reopening them again. He was rewarded by a fuzzy smile.

"That's good, Tom. Can you talk to me?"

Talk? Not a chance! He was suddenly aware that words – forming whole sentences in a known language to him – were forming in his mind. Voicing them out as she did, however, was beyond his current abilities.

"That's all right," she said soothingly.

He knew that it was. He was not worried. She seemed to be for both of them, though. He felt a pang of guilt for being unable to tell her that everything was okay. He was content to lie still. He was cold now. He felt calmed. He was not even in pain anymore.

"Janeway to sickbay," he heard her call. "Medical emergency! Lock on my signal and transport Lieutenant Paris and myself to sickbay."

Darkness came following a rain of tiny bleu sparkles.

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**End of chapter 2**

August 2008


	3. Chapter 3: Home

A/N: Disclaimer, see chapter 1

**Chapter 3/9: Home**

"He's in cardiac arrest," a voice sounded above him.

It took Tom a moment to place it as being the Doctor's. He was in Sickbay. He was home on Voyager. Relief washed over him. Everything was going to be all right. He was not worried whatsoever by the facts that the EMH was shocking his body in order to get his heart beating again or that adrenaline and oxygen were pushed into his injured body.

Janeway stepped back from the main biobed, unable to assist anymore. Tom came to stand by her. He placed his incorporeal hand on her shoulder. His Captain's demeanour was tensed, but composed. She kept a critical eye on the ongoing drama in front of her – ready to jump back in if needed.

"Commander, you should lie back," Samantha Wildman was recommending.

Tom and Janeway turned to look back at the First Officer. He was pale and sweaty. His skin and clothes were dirty. He was visibly confused and appalled by the situation. Oddly, Chakotay did not seem sure of where he was and how he had gotten there. Tom felt bad for the older man.

"Captain," Chakotay began tentatively. "I think I caused the Lieutenant's injury."

"It appears that way," she agreed. Her voice was neutral, not betraying anything.

"I don't know what happened. I would never hurt him deliberately," he said.

Tom was taken aback by his superior's distress. He realized that Janeway's stance relaxed somewhat as she came closer to her Second in Command. Her tone was more soothing when she spoke again: "I'm sure you didn't mean this, Chakotay. Do you remember anything of what happened today?"

"I don't," he replied frustrated. "I'm sorry."

"That's all right, Chakotay," Tom assured his CO – and it was. But no one heard him.

In the background, he could still hear the Doctor and Kes working feverishly in order to restart his heart and keep it beating. He was in good hands.

"Lieutenant Paris sent us a distress call over eight hours ago. He informed us that you appeared to be intoxicated by something and that you had attacked him. He said he was fine. He had only sustained a few bruised. The Doctor suggested treating both of you with an anti-psychotic agent. Tom administered a dose to himself as a precaution and he set out to track you down. Meanwhile, Voyager changed course to head your way." Her gaze turned back towards the main biobed. "As you know, we found Tom beside you with a makeshift arrow imbedded in his abdomen. It appears that he dragged himself to you, despite his injury, in order to give you the anti-psychotic."

Chakotay muttered a curse under a shaky breath.

"How are you doing now?" Janeway asked him kindly.

Tom never heard the Commander's response as a felt electricity surge through him.

"We have him back," the Doctor announced.

Sight and sound vanished, leaving pain, heat and overwhelming heaviness. Bone crushing exhaustion brought tears to his eyes and then merciful darkness claimed him again.

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**End of chapter 3**

September 2008


	4. Chapter 4: Trapped

A/N: Disclaimer, see chapter 1

**Chapter 4/9: Trapped**

The oppressing humidity was clouding his vision. Hot air was stifling his lungs. He had been transported to the middle of an equatorial jungle and nobody had told him about it. It was either that or he was in Hell again. Had he had any say in the matter, he would have chosen a polar region. Although freezing to death was probably no better than burning alive – as he was at the present. At least, he was no longer hurting, even if his blood was literally boiling. It was extremely uncomfortable, but there was no pain.

He tried to move, hoping to get cooler, but his body seemed to be caught in a web of unruly growth. They entangled his arms and legs, restraining him like heavy chains. They were sitting on his chest, pinning him down. As much as he tried, he could not tear them loose. He was _trapped!_

A tremor went trough his weaken body as panic suddenly took hold of him. He fought harder to free himself, but to no avail. His struggles were only making things worse. He was confused. He was scared. Had he had enough air, he would have screamed for help. He felt lost and alone.

"Tom…Tom, listened to me. It's Chakotay. You're safe on Voyager. Try to stay still. The wound in your abdomen is infected and not healing well."

Chakotay. He remembered Commander Chakotay. He had been here… earlier. Then he had left him hurt, alone and _trapped._

"Tom," the Commander said again from far above him. "I know the cooling outfit is uncomfortable, but it is necessary. You have a high fever and we must take measures to lower your core temperature. Don't worry. The Doctor and Kes are taking good care of you."

Kes was here? No, she should not be here. It was dangerous. Why had the Commander allowed her to come down to the planet? A flash of a memory assaulted him. Chakotay had attacked him. Why had the Commander hurt him? Maybe he wanted to hurt Kes too? He could not let that happen. He had to do something. Adrenaline surged through him, giving him just enough strength to swing his left arm in a desperate attempt to keep the Commander away.

"Kes!" he heard Chakotay called. "Come quickly! I'm making things worse. He's afraid of me." He felt his arm being caught, and then powerful hands forced him back down. "Tom, calm down. You're safe. Nobody's going to hurt you. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise. You have to stay still."

But Kes?

"Tom, the Commander is right. You are safe," she assured him.

He loved Kes' voice. It was soft and soothing. Instinctively, he knew to trust the young woman. So, he kept his focus on her. Her presence was like a guiding light through a raging storm.

"Everything is going to be fine, but you have to calm down," she continued. "You're blood pressure is through the roof and your pulse is too fast. Your fever just went up another degree. Take deep breaths." Kes instructed him as her cool hand caressed his burning skin. "That's it, just keep breathing,"

He slowly abandoned himself into the gentleness of her touch.

"Kes," a man said from afar. "He's going to be fine, isn't he?"

"I hope so," she said. "We're doing everything we can to get the infection under control."

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**End of chapter 4**

September 2008


	5. Chapter 5: Responding

A/N: Disclaimer, see chapter 1

**Chapter 5/9: Responding **

"Mister Paris, I know you can hear me. Open your eyes," ordered the EMH.

The demand registered through a cluster of inconsequential thoughts and sensations. He considered it for a moment. What if he did not want to open his eyes? Did he really have to? He was floating on a cool cloud. Other than the EMH's annoying voice and the light behind his eyelids, there was no source of discomfort. It was a nice change from he pain and the heat that had consumed his body for as long as he could remember. So no, Tom did not want to open his eyes. It would most likely shatter his state of wellbeing, even if he suspected it to be only an illusion.

"Tom, I know it's hard, but we really need you to open your eyes," Kes pleaded with him.

_Kes, please don't do this to me_, he wanted to plea. Disobeying the Doctor was one thing that Tom could do easily, but ignoring Kes surely was not. She was special to him; someone he could easily fall for had she not already been in love with Neelix. He had to respect that, and he did.

"Tom," she called after him again. "It's important that you wake up. You have been in a moderate comatose state for a few days. Now is the closest you have come to fully regain consciousness. You have to wake up so you can get better. Please, Tom, open your eyes."

The unconscious part did not faze him, but the urgency in Kes' voice moved him to full consciousness. Doing so was easier said than done, though. His eyelids had turned into two tones of bricks. Gradually, his entire body had gone stiff and heavy. Now that he had set his mind on responding to Kes's demand, he feared not being able to do so.

With a gigantic effort, Tom finally managed to peal open his eyelids. The feared light assaulted him and made his eyes tear up. He closed them protectively.

"That's it, Tom," Kes encouraged him happily. "I know it hurts, but you have to try again."

He reopened his eyes with less difficulty. He blinked a few times before Kes came into focus.

"Hi, there," she greeted with a warm smile.

"Hi," he breathed out.

"Well, Mister Paris, it's about time," commented the EHM. "How do you feel?"

He considered the physician's question for a moment. "Tired… Cold and tired."

"You have been afflicted by a bacterial infection. Keeping your body cool prevents its propagation," explained the Doctor. "The infection has not yet been eradicated, but you are doing much better. I'm afraid we'll have to keep you here for a few more days, but if you keep quiet and do as I say, you should make a full recovery."

"Quiet… okay," he mumbled.

The Doctor snorted, before walking out of his field of vision.

"Don't let him fool you," Kes whispered. "He's actually quite relived that you finally woke up."

Well, he was not sure if that was true, but seeing Kes smile back at him was worth his efforts. The Doctor came back and started running tests on him. Before he knew it, he drifted off to sleep.

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**End of Chapter 5**

April 2009


	6. Chapter 6: Chaos

A/N: Disclaimer, see chapter 1

**Chapter 6/9: Chaos**

His eyes flew open, woken by chaos all around him. The Sickbay was dimly lit. People were talking loudly not far away from him. The surface he was lying on trembled violently again. Tom tensed, his hands reaching for the side bed. He heard an explosion in the background. By the CMO's office, sparks shinned through the smoky air.

"The Doctor just went offline," a man shouted.

Another cursed.

Tom agreed with him whole heartedly. Whatever was going on was not good, far from it! His left eye cut the opening of the main doors. Two more wounded crewmembers walked in, visibly in pain. The place was already packed with people from various departments. Kes and Samantha Wildman were doing the best they could with what they had. Ready or not, it was time for him to lend a hand. If anything else, someone could use the bed he was presently occupying.

He first tossed aside the cooling blanket, and then rolled on his side, mindful his most recent injury. Using his arms, he pushed up into a sitting position and slowly brought his legs over the edge of the biobed. The motion revived the fire into his abdomen and his brow broke into a sweat. He took several shaky breaths before attempting to get onto his feet.

"Okay, you can do this", he told himself. Carefully, Tom slid off the bed and straightened up. Pain flared upward from his midsection and he swallowed hard as nausea hit him.

"Maybe this isn't such a great idea…" he mumbled to himself.

The ship shook again and Tom braced himself by the bed. He heard someone scream in pain and his body reacted with a surge of adrenaline. He welcomed it gratefully. Whatever was wrong with him would have to wait. At the moment, circuits in the surrounding stations and walls were blowing up and the Sickbay was filling up with smoke.

The Lieutenant quickly made his way to the Doctor main assistant. The young Ocampa was rushing to help another injured person. He put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. The petite woman looked up at him with surprise.

"Tom-"

"Get ready to evacuate," he ordered her. Kes nodded and immediately got to it. "Sickbay to Bridge," he called

"Go ahead," Commander Chakotay acknowledge.

"The EMH's off-line; Sickbay's filling up with smoke rapidly. Life-support's probably failing in this area," he reported. "Where's the safest location to evacuate to?"

"Stand by…" Over the open channel, Tom heard the Commander confer with Ensign Kim. "Report to Cargo bay two."

"Acknowledge."

"And Pars, be careful," Chakotay told him.

"Yes, Sir! Sickbay out."

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**Chapter 6**

May 2009


	7. Chapter 7: Minutes

A/N: Disclaimer, see chapter 1

**Chapter 7/9: Minutes**

He leaned on the nearest wall. He needed a minute to catch his breath, just one minute. He turned his back to the bulkhead and surveyed the cargo bay with a critical eye.

The place was now crowed and just as busy as the Sickbay had been not even two hours ago. Cots had been set out and uninjured crewmembers were helping less fortunate ones. Tom was glad for their helping hands. Without the precious guidance of the EMH, Kes, Ensign Wildman and himself had been overwhelmed with the quantity and severity of the various injuries. At least, Voyager's seemed to have won its latest battle with the Kazon. The damages were extensive, but as far as Tom knew, everyone had been accounted.

There was still a lot to be done, but the worse was over. So, he could relax a bit, right? He closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing. It had gotten progressively strained as time went by. He had yet to ask Kes if the bacterial infection in his body had been irradiated. He tried not to worry about it too much.

The pain in his abdomen had settled mostly to a dull ache. Still, it would spike from time to time, causing nausea and leaving him drained. In the back of his mind, he could hear Doc rant about how his body was not fit for all this strenuous activity. He totally agreed, yet he did not know what he could do otherwise. Everybody well enough to help was required, and that included him.

Coming to think about being needed, it was time to get back to work. He would, in a minute. His mouth was a hot desert. He wet his dry lips, wishing for a drink of ice cold water. That would have to wait. He took a deep breath, and then opened his eyes. Pushing his body away from the wall, he felt disoriented. Everything tilted and the ground came into view. He felt himself falling. All went black, and stopped abruptly.

"I've got you. It's okay," a man assured him. "Paris, you're with me?"

He took a deep breath, "Chakotay?"

"Yes, it's me. Are you going to be sick?"

Oh, he hoped not! The last thing he wanted was throwing up on the Commander. Maybe a few years back he might not have cared so much. Today, he was determined to avoid it. For one thing, vomiting in his current condition had proven to be extremely painful.

"Let me help you," offered Neelix, as he rushed to assist.

Together, both men took hold of Tom and switched position so one was on each side of him. He swallowed a few times and concentrated on his breathing for another minute.

"Better," he reported at last.

"Okay, let's move you to a cot," said the Commander. "You did well today, Lieutenant. It's time for you to rest."

For once, Tom was not going to argue with the man. They were lowering him on the nearest cot when his midsection rebelled. Fire burned through his abdomen and flared up through his oesophagus. The last thing Tom Paris saw were red flames coming out of his mouth.

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End of chapter 7

**May 2009**


	8. Chapter 8: Updates

A/N: Disclaimer, see chapter 1

**Chapter 8/9: Updates**

Tom was aware that Chakotay was cooling his face and neck with a cold wet cloth. He suspected that the Commander was also the one putting ice packs on his midsection for short periods of time. Despite recurring images of his commanding officer attacking him, he was not scared. Maybe it was because Chakotay's tone and words sounded genuinely reassuring when he was talking to him. Or, maybe he just did not care who worked on cooling his burning skin as long as he or she kept on doing it.

"Chakotay," he recognized Captain Janeway's voice. "May I sit?"

"Of course, Kathryn." Tom heard the cot next to his creak as Janeway sat down beside the Commander. "How are you?"

"Tired, but I'm all right. You?"

"The same. I ordered Kes and Ensign Wildman to go get some rest. I offered to look after Lieutenant Paris."

"How is he?"

"Slightly better," the Commander reported. "He threw up blood earlier."

"Blood?" questioned Janeway.

"The infection is attacking the linings of his abdominal organs. Kes said that the Doctor had been watchful for this situation and had managed to stay ahead of it. Any update about when B'Elanna expects to be able to bring back the EMH on-line?"

"She needs a few more hours," answered Janeway. "Her team is still working on restoring full life-support on Deck five. We should be able to transfer Tom and the others injured crewmembers back to Sickbay soon."

"That would be helpful. Ensigns Kim and Wildman managed to replicate the Doctor's last antibiotic treatment, but it isn't as effective as before. The bacteria are already showing signs of resistance."

"I know the Doctor was considering a more drastic approach if that last treatment was to fail."

"The hypothermic coma, he told me," Chakotay confirmed. "He was waiting for Tom's cardiac functions to improve before attempting it. With him bleeding out, that too might be compromised."

"Well, it certainly not something we're going to try without the EMH. If Tom's heath deteriorates more, we might have to put him in stasis."

Stasis! Was she serious? He did not want to be put in stasis. He never handled that very well. While must people remained unconscious, he always woke up at one point disoriented and completely freaked out. Oh no! No one was going to him in one of those coffins!

As Tom got more and more agitated, he did not register the alarm of a medical tricorder going off nearby. Chakotay and Janeway did, though.

"His heartbeat and blood pressure are rising," Janeway observed. "Tom, can you hear us?"

"No-no-no… Stasis… No-no…"

"You don't want to be put in stasis?" she asked him.

"No-no stasis… No, please..."

"Tom, it might be necessary," argued the Captain.

"No…"

"Tom, take a deep breath, relax," Chakotay instructed him. "We won't put you in stasis, not yet anyway. But, it's an option if your condition gets worse. It's not necessary for now, okay? So, we need you to calm down and relax… That's it, keep taking deep breaths."

"Okay, no stasis for now," agreed the Captain. "Commander, keep me apprised of his condition."

"I will, Captain."

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**End of chapter 8**

May 2009


	9. Chapter 9: Perceptions

A/N: Disclaimer, see chapter 1

**Chapter 9/9: Perceptions**

Burning heat and then freezing cold, sometimes both sensations at once. Painkillers and iced chips to suck on were administered to him, but the relief they brought never seemed to last long enough. He was exhausted. He wanted everything to go away, for those bacteria to die, and for people to leave him alone.

His throat tickled and he tried not to cough. The slightness shift of his midsection caused excruciating pain. His efforts failed to a gurgling cough. He surrendered to the pain, unable to do anything else. He recognized the coppery taste of blood on his tongue and gagged.

"He's going to choke," feared Kes. The tone of her voice chilled him to the core.

"Help me turn him on his side," said Chakotay.

Pain and more blood surged through his entire head. Everything finally faded away.

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Tom blinked a few times before opening his eyes completely. Feeling rested, he sighed appreciatively. He was slightly disoriented at first, but he quickly recognized Sickbay. He rolled his head left and spied Chakotay using the biobed next to his as worktable to repair some piece of equipment.

"Commander"

The older man looked up from his work. "Hey! Paris, how're you doing?"

He considered the question for a moment. "I'm fine… much better. Why are you still here?"

Chakotay came to stand next him. "I wanted to be here when you woke up," he said. "Torres and Kim fixed the Doctor, yesterday. He was finally able to cure the bacterial infection by maintaining your body into a hypothermic coma until it was eradicated."

"Basically, he chilled me like a popsicle," he attempted to joke. "Where's the Doc, now?"

"He's currently off-line to save energy. Do you need him?"

"No, I'm okay. You didn't answer my question. Why are you still here? Are you okay?"

His commanding officer gave him a small smile. "I'm fine, thanks. As I said, I wanted to be here when you woke up. I owe you my gratitude." Tom frowned. "I want to thank you for taking care of me back on the planet, even after I seriously injured you. I never meant for that to happen."

"Chakotay, I know that."

"Yes, you do. It seems you know me a lot better than I know you," Chakotay observed. "You were hoping to change that on the planet so that I could see you in a better light. The Captain told me."

Heat rose up from Tom's neck to his ears, this time from embarrassment. "Again, not such a great idea..."

"Maybe not as great as evacuating the Sickbay during the attack, but not a bad idea. Paris- Tom, had I not been as concerned for you as you had been for me, I might not have seen you for who you really are: a dedicated officer, a courageous and caring person."

"Chakotay…" Tom Paris did not know what to say.

"Tom, take it for what it is. Get some rest. Kes is going to be here shortly."

"Chakotay," he tried again. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. See you on the Bridge, Lieutenant."

"Yes, Sir!"

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**The End**

**A/N: I hope you liked. Thanks for reading. **

**May 2009**


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